December 25, 2013

What do you do…. #MB2013

...when your daughter does not listen to you?

And, I am not talking about every single time. It is about those instances when I know that she has heard me understood me, and yet defies me.

For instance, (Something which happened which has triggered this post)

Yesterday, T and me went to get some milk from the local shop which is a 1 min walk away. This is the place where I have been going to very often, and a place which she knows very well. Usually these places have jars of chocolates at the counter, which she invariably asks for and at times I get one for her. Recently, she started to ask the lady who is at the shop for the chocolate, and she used to give it to her.

Yesterday, when we were walking, she told me,
"I will ask aunty for chocolate."

And I said,

" T, you can not ask everyone for chocolate. You can not ask aunty for chocolate. If you want a chocolate, you have to ask only Amma."

This was all while walking to the shop. On reaching the shop, she spoke to the lady and asked her for a chocolate. I told her No, you can not take a chocolate.
The lady gave her the chocolate, and says, "It is fine. Let her take it, she is a small child." 

I did not want to create a scene and left it.

On the way back I told T, "I am not talking to her as she does not listen to what I say and she asked aunty, when I told her not to."

On getting back, I did not open the chocolate for her to have, and did not talk to her for quite a long period of time.

My question is, when you have someone giving something to the child, or letting them do something which you do not approve of, what is the best way to explain this to them? Without hurting their feelings? I know that, this  situation is bound to come up again, and I know that I do not want to make a habit of it. I want to be able to explain and assert myself that I shall rear my child the way I see fit.


  1. We are at a sweetshop when a kid going around came and asked us to buy a piece of cake for her. Her mother was around and explained in a very polite way that we should not get her anything, as she will make it a habit and not everybody might actually treat a child the way we were sweetly talking to her too. I think you can talk to the lady and let her know.

  2. I guess what you did was fine, I guess they cannot always obey us, what we can do is make them realise and talk to them, do a little I won't talk to you and I didn't like it at all. Eventually I am sure the kid will understand.

  3. A little off topic, but bought a book (still to read most of it) - How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. It seems to have some examples of this type. Might want to check it out.

  4. Yeah, you cannot make a habit out of this. I can only think of constant assertions to her till she understands that its not okay to disobey.

  5. If I understand right I think your little one is still very young, so she is mostly just testing her boundaries. Anger and being short-tempered is a bit problem for me, so I can tell you from experience that the only way out is to step back, take a few long breaths and then have a small chat with her about why you cannot let her have the chocolate as she disobeyed what you said, and didn't have your permission to have it. Stick to it and don't give her the chocolate sometime later, would be my take. The book mentioned by Anurag above is a good one, though for me it has always been that first step of controlling my temper that's the challenge :(.


Thank you for stopping by. I would love to hear your thoughts ...