T4Tales - A chat with the author, Pridhee

I have been a reader since the age of 8, or so I believe. I do not have any recollection of books before that. But, I know for a fact that I have always seen my parents reading, and I did try to read words in the newspaper much before the age of 8. When T was born, I started reading to her when she was around 6 months. I did quite a bit of research about the various kinds of books available, and wh which were suitable at each age.  These were mostly in English. The moment I sort a way to build a love for regional languages, I found books only in Hindi. These books in Hindi were paperbacks which are more suited for a 3 or 4 year olds.

Where are all the board books, lift the flap ones, cloth books and the so many options which you find in English? There were none in any Indian languages, and the ones which were available ... not something I would pick up for toddlers and preschoolers for sure. So, I resorted to digital media to bring some bits of the fun element of Indian languages to my daughter.

Almost a year later, Pridhee has brought to us, the very same thing which so many moms have looked for and now I hope that it will help the many new moms to bring Indian languages to their tiny people early on.

Speaking with Pridhee about the book, T4 Tales and her journey so far as a publisher and author.

And while we are at it, you can pick your copy at Shumee (India) or Amazon (US)

How did you turn from a biologist to an author?

I became a mom. The only way I could get my daughter to eat was if I told her stories or read books to her. I quickly realized that I was  reading only English books. That was when I asked myself if this was the end of Hindi in our family?  Will we have to rely on Bollywood movies for some exposure to Hindi? I thought maybe there are other parents who feel the same as me. I decided to give it a shot and that is how T4tales came alive.

What prompted you to go the board book and lift the flap route?

Kids from the 0-4 age love to be independent and are by nature very curious. As the Reggio Emilia approach says children learn by self exploration and discovery. They should be allowed to learn through experiences of touching, listening and observing. Board books are sturdy and allow children to practice their motor skills of turning pages without tearing a page. Lift the flap books add interactivity that keeps children involved and curious about what will come next. It helps them feel independent to explore and discover.

Tell me a little about Bolo Kya

Bolo kya started off as a riddle between my daughter and me. It was like a game of "I spy" but in Hindi. Kiki (our little T4tales bird) takes the children on a ride of exploration of animals, colors, parts of the body, opposites and of course a riddle with an answer.

What are you trying to bring to your readers through Bolo Kya?

A fresh way for children to read and enjoy Hindi. A book that would compete with the high quality English books (in illustrations) and content that does not always focus on providing a moral lesson. You do not have to know the Hindi script because we provide the english transliteration. It is not your usual moral story or panchatantra tale. Most of all it is visually appealing to the children.

How has your journey been so far? And what do you see ahead for T4Tales?

Going from being a full time scientific officer to a full time mom and now author has been quite a roller coaster ride. But I have found something that brings a smile to my face and am passionate about providing to the coming generation.  

As for T4tales, we have a long way to go but I do hope we are able to bring back the interest in learning Hindi to our children and our coming generations.

T & V

When T was born, I was overwhelmed for sure and completely dependent on so many people to settle me through that phase. But when V was born, I was more prepared, but the haze which sets in was just the same. And now added to it was the guilt that I was not giving any time to the tiny 4 year old who was hoovering about endlessly.

The way T took everything which was and is being thrown at her completely in her stride, really makes me appreciate her and wonder at how she agrees to my requests. I can completely imagine myself throwing a tantrum about why my things are not being attended to... but she rarely goes that route. So, now we have a routine that once a week, I drop and pick her up from school as a special something for her, in the midst of all this craziness.

And after two kids, I feel now what it really means like having no time for myself. At the end of the day, I am just exhausted to the extend that watching half a movie does not even appeal. So now, we have moved from movie marathons, to a movie night once in a while to nothing. And as I see it, its going to be this for the next 2 years. Frankly speaking, movies I am more than fine letting go, but I wouldn't want to lose on 2 years in terms of travel. Age just moved ahead, and I want to enjoy some things with Trisha before she grows up too. I hope I do not forget that T is also growing up in the midst of the V-time.

There was a lot which I fathomed prior to V's arrival, but there are many more instances which I still stare at blankly wondering how to tackle.

I believe it will be a long journey of discovery...

A Thank You

Many of my conversations with B have a potential to be a post, but I do not ever get down to writing most of them. Today, there was something which came out and I thought I should write it down.

When I look around, I see parents of many toddlers who have raised their kids in a way very different to me. I am not in a position to say whether that way or my way is better, but what I do know is that I am happy the way things are.

When I look back, one of the first things which I am grateful for is Amma to tell me that I should put T in a cot, teach her to sleep by herself, rather than get her used to body warmth and suit the short term convenience. I know the effort I put in to sleep train her, and the extend of crying I had to endure to ensure that she would learn. The extend of reading I did to CIO or go in a slow, paced manner. Eventually I decided not to CIO, but I chose to go with the Sears method, and it worked for me, but that was possible primarily because of the cot being there.

3 months

Another thing which kept me sane was a decision which I made to use diapers, and not follow the cloth napkin routine. There was a strong urge in me to use the eco-friendly, baby- friendly option, but that was certainly not a solution for me, as a person almost all on my own with T, I was not in a position to take on another responsibility. So, I chose diapers and it helped me a long way, and in a way was also responsible for helping me sleep train her.

Another thing which I see is so many children who are jumping about in cars, sitting on the front seat, and many a times, moving between seats too! T has been on a car seat since the time she started to move about in cars, and that has made my life so much more simpler. I was able to move about on my own since the time she was 4 months, and she started to enjoy the rides. As a mother taking her child out all by herself, there is no way she can do it, unless there is a car seat. I think this gave me the mobility and peace of mind while driving, making my life much more bearable.

4 months

I am not a person who loves kids. In fact I am not too sure whether I have ever been the child loving kind. I would just say that I have been a person for rules and following them, so which might be a reason why kids and me never really gelled. And, I think a large part of my kind of child rearing has been influenced by these rule following ideas. This might not suit many, but now I have a kid who is so set on rules, I am happy :)

Caring through the day

When T was 2 I decided that I wanted to get back to work, and this involved going through many schools hunting down a day care which suited my needs. I did not know whether this was what I wanted for her, but I had gotten to a point where I did not know what I would do with a toddler who wanted to get out and do stuff, but I was a mom who loved my peace and quiet.

Now, its close to a year when T has been in day care and as I look back, one of the outcomes which I see is that she has certainly grown up with a wide range of activities which she has been exposed to, but she has also been exposed to many things which bigger children do, and she is merely copying them. I have also seen many characteristics which were not there a few months back and have suddenly started to emerge. Is this the 3 year old thing, or are these things which she is picking up now with school and she is at a more impressionable age.

I have had my share of issues with T picking up words and things from other kids at day care. But that is something which I had made my peace with, and now I see the stubborn, bratty behaviour and I am a little worried. Maybe a little more patience on my side is also needed. As she grows up and has her own way with things, I need to let things go a little and not control too much. I guess I should also be accustomed to be a guide not an enforcer. I keep reading about bringing in good characteristics and values, and at times I do tend to feel I am nit making the mark.

A long way ahead, and now the journey begins, as I talk to this individual who has a say in everything.

What do you do…. #MB2013

...when your daughter does not listen to you?

And, I am not talking about every single time. It is about those instances when I know that she has heard me understood me, and yet defies me.

For instance, (Something which happened which has triggered this post)

Yesterday, T and me went to get some milk from the local shop which is a 1 min walk away. This is the place where I have been going to very often, and a place which she knows very well. Usually these places have jars of chocolates at the counter, which she invariably asks for and at times I get one for her. Recently, she started to ask the lady who is at the shop for the chocolate, and she used to give it to her.

Yesterday, when we were walking, she told me,
"I will ask aunty for chocolate."

And I said,

" T, you can not ask everyone for chocolate. You can not ask aunty for chocolate. If you want a chocolate, you have to ask only Amma."

This was all while walking to the shop. On reaching the shop, she spoke to the lady and asked her for a chocolate. I told her No, you can not take a chocolate.
The lady gave her the chocolate, and says, "It is fine. Let her take it, she is a small child." 

I did not want to create a scene and left it.

On the way back I told T, "I am not talking to her as she does not listen to what I say and she asked aunty, when I told her not to."

On getting back, I did not open the chocolate for her to have, and did not talk to her for quite a long period of time.

My question is, when you have someone giving something to the child, or letting them do something which you do not approve of, what is the best way to explain this to them? Without hurting their feelings? I know that, this  situation is bound to come up again, and I know that I do not want to make a habit of it. I want to be able to explain and assert myself that I shall rear my child the way I see fit.

And we begin...

I can not believe myself that this process has already begun!

I used to believe that kids will play and be naughty for a long time before they trot off to school.

I thought parents creating a bee-line for school admission forms and checking out schools when the kid is just born was way too much, but here I see myself doing this before she is even 1.5 years. Maybe I am just getting too worried with all the school thoughts, but there are already some schools which might be difficult to get into because of age issues. I just did not imagine this happening!

Now, as I run helter skelter visiting schools and pre-schools, I have so many thoughts in my head.

Montessori or Kindergarten?
Small school or Big School?
Close by or a little far?

How do I actually make a choice about these things if I have no idea about all these things in the first place. I did not go to a montessori and I do not know if that is truly a good way to teach kids... I have heard such rave reviews of the method, but then I have just words to take for it. Would we have turned out better if we were in a montessori?  Added to that the fact that montessori schools do not admit children before 2.5years and there is no concept of a pre-school for them. I, for one, feel that if children interact with other kids and learn some things, it would be good. Maybe they will learn something, else they will just play, socialize and come back. As I see Tee, I see that she is bored with the no interaction with kids and being at home with a help means the 'stupid box' is turned on for a considerable period of time. B & I do not usually watch much T.V and hence Tee is also not too keen on it, but when the T.V is turned on with all the soaps playing, she is drawn to it and stands there watching whatever comes on it. This is something I want to avoid at all costs.

At times I also feel that maybe I am just looking at options to keep her occupied, and not really go about putting her in a school... a part of me says she is just 16mo where does she need to go to any school now!

Image Source: http://techinspecialed.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Preschool1.jpg

A year since she arrived

A year since she arrived and the journey has been one of complete learning for me. From the point where I was too scared to pick her up, to this day when I manage her on one hip and get work done, with some dance moves thrown in in between to keep her occupied. If I look back, I do not think I missed out on anything she did, I was there when she decided to try and turn over, when she tried with all her might to move on her tummy, when she wobbled and sat swinging. I was there when she tried to stand up and fell down getting a nick in the process, when she played with a soft toy and threw it out of the window. These are the small number of many things which I would always remember, knowing, she will never do these things again, she has grown up. Now, she walks about the whole place, trying to discover new things and poke her head into ever cupboard and pull out stuff.

There are days when you feel thrilled and happy when you drift off to sleep and there are other nights when all you have time to think is when did your life change so much that you yourself do not seem to understand what is happening. Where did the peace and calm of your life disappear. when did it get replaced by a run for the day and accomplishing chores as the top priority.  Everything became clockwork or else they were just pushed for later, wherein the later might never come, or they might at continuous insistence from someone.

As I look ahead I know that it is only a matter of time when she will be on her own, off to school in maybe 2 years and then I would be rendered useless. But, knowing that I do not want to detach myself away from her and start getting my life into order as yet. I think I still enjoy it being played in tune to hers as of now. I do miss my tune at times, but then in 2 years again things will change…then I might just crave this. There is an option of starting to work, being productive again, where I have money which I know I can spend without thinking too much as its my hardwork which I can burn any which way. But that would also mean leaving her and going away not to see her daily antiques, not knowing what she does and how she does it. I do not think I am ready for that. She is my first born, my love, how many times I have thought about trying to engage myself even if its for a few hours daily. I am unable to do it, I do not think it is because I am not trying enough, or I am not dedicated enough. I think I am more dedicated to my daughter at present than to anyone else. She is the only person who truly needs me and needs me to be who she has to be.

However my logical mind tells me to start my journey back to work and independence, and in the process making her independent, but I feel a year or two more is all that I am going to get so why not. Then, there is the advice which tells me to have my second child asap, so that I am finished with my mothering duties also asap. If I wanted to just finish the duty, wouldn't it be simple to have a single child, experience motherhood and be done with it. I am in no hurry to finish off duties, and I do not think I will like it if I am running like a mad chicken for time between by two kids. This is one of the strongest reasons I feel I want a minimum of 3 years age difference between both my kids so that I know the elder one understands and can be a true elder sibling. I also think there might be many moms who would love to have a baby and toddler in the house and enjoy themselves thoroughly taking care of one or the other. Me, I doubt it.

Having said that, there is a fear about how I will get back to work and a life which I want. Will I be too late to jump aboard? Or will I find something which I can do the way I want to when the time is right? That might be just wishful thinking. I do not know.

Image Source: http://www.picturesofbabies.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/cartoon-baby-picture.jpg

Crochet Tissue Box Cover

A crochet tissue box cover caught my fancy recently when I was browsing some sites and I have finally managed to complete this a few weeks back as a gift for my mom.. a sort of birthday gift ( her bday was in March) and a mother's day gift all rolled into one. 

I thought it came out pretty neat, and the work involved was not difficult just tedious. I am sure there are many folks out there who can have a look at the picture below and replicate this :) I am no where without instructions, so I did buy the pattern.

Post-partum

Recently I have been trying to figure out what really works for post-partum weight loss. Since, I have stopped breastfeeding Tee, I have seen that there is a gradual increase in the waistline which seems to be working on, and the sooner I get to work on it, the better.

Firstly, I started to analyse what is the main difference in the food habits, and I realized that something which has been happening is that I seem to be having a heavier dinner than before pregnancy, and this is something which may not required. And, as I thought about it, I realized that regular heavy meals have been the norm when I was pregnant, and that is still being continued, even though I do not seem to need it. A heavy breakfast, and decent lunch should suffice. Keeping dinner light and early is something which I like to do. A reason for having the heavy dinner also might be attributed to the late dinner which has been happening off late. B works late, which means dinner also shifts to a later time. I snack in between and end up not having my meal on time, and also filling myself with unwanted ( but tasty) stuff.

As a new year deal with myself, I have decided I shall allow myself only 200 gms of any tasty tit bits in any form through an entire month. I do not think I would survive a complete deletion of these said items from my diet forever, but I would certainly want to cut down on these things. And once I have cut down to this level, I can have whatever I please in the limit set. I do not need to look out for the low fat and substitutes. Its been almost half a month and things do seem to be doing well for me till now. I have not given in to my cravings and I am saving my allowance for the latter half of the month. This reminds me of my pocket money during school days, and how I used to save it for the last week of the month, where I would have a lavish snack in school knowing that come next month, I would have some money to spare again.

Another bit which I gathered while reading up on post-partum weight loss was that there is a clear loss in muscle quality which needs to be built up, and that can happen only with exercise and strength building exercise to be specific. Saying this, I am not a very big gym fan, so I do not keep to my routine and I also do not end up giving in my full at the gym, hence, it takes a fair bit of time for the effects of a good gym workout to show on me. I did find another alternative, Pilates and Yoga classes. Good toning and weight loss as an added benefit, but foremost fitness! But, they are a tad too expensive I would say though I really badly need the workout. I have been just vegetating in front of the laptop and having my meals. If you count in looking after Tee, that would still not require so much energy, at least not the good stretches which I am looking forward to. So many things I want to do and I have no clue how I would be getting things into action. I keep telling myself and everyone around I do not have the time. Frankly speaking, I mean to say that I do not know if I can spend any time away from Tee. I do worry a bit too much and I wonder whether it would actually matter so much. Anyhow I need to start doing this as that is the only way I would get back to work also in a few weeks, albeit part-time.

How a child can change your life

Every time I get a call from a friend, the question which I get asked is as to how I am coping up with the change and how I am liking the different lifestyle. The fact is it is a big change and nothing which you could have thought will explain how the things are going to change. There are changes in every aspect of your life. Something as simple as just going to buy groceries to more elaborate shopping for oneself, all of it changes dramatically when you have to feature in a small person who loves to go out and explore, but would also be finicky about the kind of place and that she gets her food on time. Timing is everything in this whole process, with knowing your kid's schedule and being prepared about what would be required on a trip out.

Taking out time for myself has been the biggest challenge which I am faced with. You can have a help but getting yourself to trust completely that person and leaving your child is something which I am not too sure about. My mother says you have to trust someone or else just give up everything that you wish to do and sit at home. That is a choice which I have to make. Or the other option is some member of family from either side is present at home. I am not very thrilled with that option either. I think I have been ever too comfortable in a place which I call my own since the past 10 years and now if there is a constant other presence I am not too sure I would really like it. Nevertheless, I can't say for sure as I have not been there. But this is certainly one option where in I can just be sure that it is perfectly fine for me to leave the house for a few hours and go any place. But, then the trade off is in the way you want to teach your kid to do some stuff. There would be two different kinds of instructions which the kid will receive and that I am not too sure would be great to build a good solid foundation on the manners and habits which I would like to instill. For example, I can say that I do not give books in Tee's hands simply because I know she does not know what is to be done with them and hence she will just crush the paper to make noise. My help does at times give her books/ news paper in her hand which I have said NO to, and she does it because it is simple for her to keep her occupied such than play/ talk to her.

I was recently talking with a friend and she was of the opinion that when you do not let the child move about on the floor, explore, they do not end up moving about and learning to roll over or crawl. A friend of mine has experienced this first hand as she was working and hence the baby was in the care of the nanny most of the day. And she believes the nanny was in the habit of keeping her daughter in the pram through the day as it was simpler to move her about and also easier to manage her.Hence, she feels her daughter has started to crawl very late and is in general lazy as is used to being carried around or in a pram and is not used to exploring on her own. These might just be cases, but there might be many such things which will arise and hence the apprehension. I would love to have my freedom back and move about, but I think it is also in me to bring up my daughter to the best way I can. I have to prioritize and see what is it that I can let go and what I can not under any circumstances.

One of the main things which I need to start is working out. This is something of a priority for me and have been putting it off for long now. Now, for this I would like to leave Tee for an hour with my help and get this done. I feel some time being apart is fine but I am personally not comfortable in leaving her for prolonged periods. By this I mean, I would not like to leave her until she is able to tell me when something was wrong and she did not like it. Until then I think I should be around to ensure that the things are the way I want it to be done. For some reason I can not imagine that someone would take care of my kid the way I would. And this is where I see the truth when its said its good to have family stay with you if you wish to work or be away from your child for a long period. The fact is I do not want to leave Tee, not that I can not. I can. I can if I wish to trust my help to do the things as I would like it. But, will she?

A child truly changes your outlook to many things and opens up new emotions which you have never experienced. Its difficult and so many times you just feel frustrated with your situation and wonder why can't someone just take over for a while. And, then you realize, unless you really blindly trust the person who will be taking over, there is no true break.

I just had no clue its so hard being a mom!

Why females?

Shail of Shail's nest shared a link on Facebook, a blogpost at Gender Bytes, and on reading it, it did set me thinking. If education and economics are not the reason for this incessant purging of females, then what is? Is it a feeling of responsibility, or is it the expense factor which eats them up?

Does a parents not feel any responsibility towards a son? They do not care what happens to him? Why is it so different for a girl? I feel the entire family respect which lies on the feet of a girl is where no family is ready to take on the responsibility and stand up for the girl to do as they please. I think the same stigma is attached to even homosexuals. A son, who is a homosexual is also seen in the same light, as per me, tarnishing their ever great family respect. But, the forever yearning for a son will never change, however wonderful and successful a daughter they have.

Then comes the expense of a girl, predominantly speaking, its not her education which matters to them, rather it is the dowry and wedding expenditure which swoons in front of their eyes. But, why do they forget that they themselves are the reason for this stupendous expense. There are communities int he world where a marriage/ wedding is taken up as the responsibility of the couple at hand, not the parents. The expenses are shared between the to-be-couple, and both parents contribute a small amount what they see fit for the occasion. I think this in a way helps to eliminate the prejudice against a girl child. But, this kind of responsibility can be handed over to the bride and groom, only if the parents see their children as adults who can take decisions and organize to their liking.

So where does the problem truly lie?

Image Source: http://crimeanddeviance.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/656009_f5202.jpg

Babycare - Online shopping

As a new mother, baby products are something which I have taken a keen interest to in the past month. And online shopping for non cloth items is something which I truly think is a great time saver. That led to my search for suitable online sites to order baby products from. I came across mainly three sites which are completely dedicated to baby, mom & child care products, which are

www.firstcry.com

www.babyoye.com

www.balgopal.com

I did some research on product range, prices and also their locations. I would be ordering the things from Trivandrum, so I wanted something which would be closer, to avoid any shipping delays. Here is what I found out from the internet research and I should also add that I finally ordered my requirements from firstcry.com.

firstcry.com

The website is well designed, no glitches and the range of products were immense. They have ongoing discounts on different sections and also the discounts were on fast moving items, and not on very expensive items alone. For example, I ordered diapers, and all their diapers were on 15% off. Baby wipes also had 6% off on the imported varieties. The delivery of the products took 4 days from the day of order and the products were in very good condition. They were packed in cardboard corrugated sheets n packed further in plastic wrap to prevent any damage due to moisture/rain etc.

babyoye.com

Here again, the website is well done, and the deals are sorted out on the first page itself. The only difference was that here, they took care to sort out the shipping details against each item. And for most items, the shipping time was 1-2 days if the order is placed by 6 pm. And added to that shipping is free for all orders. 

But, if I compare the prices of some products which I bought from firstcry with the same here, I see that the there is a slight variation in the discounts, making firstcry cheaper. Another fact which I noticed was that the variety of products might be the same across both these sites, but the range of options within a product line was better at firstcry.com

balgopal.com

This is a site which I came across during my search via mouthshut.com. I visited the site, and saw that they looked like a much more evolved website with a loyalty program etc. But, here I was not impressed with the product range they had to offer. Their products mainly comprised of toys, games and products for baby activity. General baby car items were limited in terms of products and brands.

All in all, I would give babyoye a shot as they claim to deliver in 1-2 days from order date, but firstcry still might win over if I am looking for something specific. 

Are there better options out there, which I have no clue about?