P & J

Whom would you term as possessive? or very possessive? or extremely possessive?

I was talking to a friend about how at times I think I am very possessive about my guy and if you ask me why, I really do not know!! It is not because I do not trust him, and not at all because I think he will do anything to hurt me, but the streak is just so in me and more importantly, I wonder if I should be working on reducing/ removing it.

Is it not good to be possessive? Maybe the 'very' and 'extreme' category can be said to be not good solely on the basis that 'too much of anything is bad', but shouldn't there be a trace of it for a healthy relationship? Or is it more healthy if there is no trace at all?

Something which my friend said was possessiveness has traces of jealousy in it, not too much, a small percentage always exists as per him. But, what if I do not know exactly what I am J about? For all I know I am just plain J with regard to time spend with me... well I guess that can also be termed as jealousy. So if possessiveness has J in it and J is considered a bad thing (in general) then possessiveness has tendencies of getting bad too, right? Now that does not seem like a good direction to be heading in. But on second thoughts, it can also depend on what is the major chunk apart from the J in possessiveness, right?.

In my case, that's a lot of love, maybe a slight abundance too which is not getting the time for expression and hence the cosmic transformation into these weird forms. They need to be stopped, I know.. and that means I need to charter these cosmic energies into something more useful (like shopping) or I need to start putting to better use the time that I have to result in better expression and which shall hopefully result in a decline in the P & J factors.

What say?

Salon trip

Odd positions are very good for sleeping

A yawn and a stretch!

Cleaning and preening

Ready to mingle

Alone

When you do not have anything to do the whole day, and end up just spending time doing stuff around the house, then you look forward to someone coming back to the house at the end of the day. You look to sitting with someone and maybe just watch TV... chit chat a little and then retire. But what about the time when you are spending alone, you should make that a constructive time too. I completely agree with this, but then unless your mind is at peace with the situation then alone can you make the most quietest of moments constructive in nature.

I know that deep within, my mind is not at peace with all the happenings. This is not the way I planned for things and they have juggled themselves to fit into place. I need to adjust and I am being worse than a kid going to the play school for the first time.

I ask myself, is it because of the uselessness that I feel or is it the change has not settled in as yet? I want to start doing some classes.. painting is something which I want to pick up again, and it has been a long time since I did that the last time.. I believe 4 years back is when I did something worth appreciating. I know I want to do these things, but I do not want to do them alone. I need people around me. I am not sure whether that is a mistake, but I love being with some people and I do not know anyone free and keen on doing something together.

At times I wonder, am I just so good at complaining? Do I complain so much that it might just drive someone up the wall?

Maybe I do.

Revolutionary Road - Movie

The movie gave me the creeps!

Why is it so important to do things as per what is expected of us? Why can not it be more to what we wish? Isn't life too short to be living it not through your mind? Isn't life just once to live as you please?

All these questions came to my mind when I was watching this movie, and I felt so sorry for someone being stubbed to wanting to have exactly what everyone wishes to do, but is too scared to be doing. So many despise their jobs, but who does anything about it? It is very difficult to take a step towards your goal with a path undefined. It is that very mysterious nature of these goals I believe, which draws us to them.

What I saw in this movie was the perfect portrayal of the conventional role plays which are assigned to a man and woman in a house. A slight suggestion of a role reversal is seen as 'unrealistic' or 'childish' or 'immature' .

Another detail which came out to me was how the woman was still alive, her dreams breathing with her zest for life. She did not lose herself in her role plays and she tries her best to set a path before her to move her dreams forward. And the sad part, how her dreams are given no importance and of they are, it is a farce. Her dreams have been thought of, to accomodate so many blocks into a perfect square, but all a waste.

When you see what you want, but you are refused the right to live it the way you dream of, then what do you do? What options do you have?

Loving you

Be it the day

Be it the night

Amongst what we do

And what we might

The usual What Ifs

And intermittent tiffs

Many things said

Far more unsaid

Walking, talking

Shopping and driving

Those cascading days of work

The vacations fun and beserk

I am not good at wooing

Nor am I at gifting

I pick up many things

But all seem to be useless nothings

Here I stand

With something in hand

True two words

Snug like love birds

Love you

Now I know

It is very depressing when you sit in your house, stare at the walls and wonder what exactly has been happening with your life. And, moreover you do that because you have nothing better to be doing.

As sit and wonder everyday, I realize that there is an importance to doing something with your life. It is not about drawing an income, or neither is it about achievement. It is more to do with spending the time in your day doing a chore which means something other than mere passing of time. I say this because as I see it, the only thing which I seem to be doing is the latter, and it is not that I do not crave to do the former but I need to know what is the chore which I should be doing so that it does not result in spoiling the time after the chore is finished for the day. I do not know whether I make sense here but these are my thoughts and also a talk to myself on what I should be doing. I have not zeroed in on what but then these talks are supposed to be a revelation to myself.

On a different note, this was the conversation which I had with my brother.

He: Why do you want to work? And, especially if you are getting married, you can just stop and do all the other stuff that you wanted right?

Me: Well, the truth is, I do not think I will be happy in that case. I would not be sure as to how I would feel if I am completely dependent on someone for everything, other than my parents.

He: If you are getting married to someone, then what is the issue, you are anyways going to be dependent on each other for so many things, as a part of life.

Me: I know I will be dependent, but I do not want to think so much before getting myself a pair of shoes, or when I feel like making an impulse buy of a dress which I am not 100% sure whether I shall use.

He: I think you will have more important issues to be thinking about after marriage, other than shoes and dresses I mean.

Me: What do you mean? I can not dress up? Atleast, thats what I always make sure I do. I want to be a well dressed person, and just coz I am married I shall lose all interest in myself?

He: I never said you would, I am just saying you might have more pressing matters to attend to.

Me: What ever the matters are, I am sure I just want to be good presentable always. Anyhow, the point is I need to earn simply because I do not ever feel that I am splurging. I should feel I have these small rights to splurge when I feel like.

Lady loves

Monika tagged me to list out the 5 women I would have had a crush on, if I were a guy...

So here goes the list. The list is in not in order of favourites, but solely on the basis of when I got a picture of them, that I liked, from the internet.

1. Angelina Jolie - No introductions required I guess

2. Lisa Ray - She is one person I have found pretty from the time of Afreen Afreen .. there is just something about her face...

3. Bipasha Basu - I have liked her in almost any look she has sported. I have liked her for the sporty image and not many liked her cropped hair... but I think it looks fab.

4. Julia Roberts - I am an all time Julia Roberts fan.. I have watched Pretty Woman I think around 20 times... the last being yestrday night at 9 pm.

5. Tabu - You can say she got it through lineage, but, I have not missed a single movie of hers either... (first being the lady above)

Siesta

There she was sitting peacefully perched... and then she decided she needs a nap.