February 9, 2011

I think...

....I feel older and mature.

In the past few months, I have learnt to be more careful, more understanding and also more receptive to others needs. And through all this, I have also tried not to let go of what I want to do, and do not want to do. There is still a fair bit of the me, where I just do what I want, but I guess the difference being that I am priotitizing. This is a huge difference in me, as I have always had the problem in saying that I do not want to do something, especially when someone requests something of me. I guess being responsible for more than one person, has given me the reason to think of myself and my needs more deeply than in the previous let it flow attitude. 

As I start my last trimester, do I feel any more like a mom? No, I do not. I am not sure whether I am supposed to. As I see mothers with their new borns, I think it happens only when you are put in charge of the being, and asked to care for it, giving up a lot of things which you would else do of your own free will. I think thats when you feel like a mom. Right now I just feel pregnant.

The last trip to Krishangarh has been the last in a long time to come. I am not allowed to travel too much now, and post the baby, I am not too sure how I shall be adept to handle travel and baby needs, without making a mess of either. In spite of all that, in my mind, even now, I know, come what may, I want to go somehwhere for my anniversary, every year, and that would mean even  with a less than year old baby. Maybe the things we do will be different, but then the sheer fun of getting out of the house and the same ol' surrounding, has a calming and great effect on me ( and I hope on the baby too!).

All the weight I have lost, I have currently gained back, and I have been informed by mothers that that the last trimester, I will certainly put on a minimum of 5 kgs, so that would send me back to my max allowed weight limit. And then, I hope that I shall be able to shed a major chunk of it post delivery! In fact, that is the situation which is kind of scaring me. As I see it, there will certainly be a dearth of time, and I really want to keep a maid around, so that I can squeeze in a swim etc when the nap time is around. I understand the first three months will be a whirlwind, but I do not want to let the weight settle in over a period of one year. I need to start working it off, and I hope to start that by the 5th month after. Plans... plans... wonder how much will work out!

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