Unadulterated Rambling

When I have time on my hand, I write. And, when there are a lot of things on my mind, then getting work done becomes a far stretch from reality. I am sure B will say that getting any work done is always a far stretch from reality for me. I am inherently lazy, I want to and wish to do many things, but I am not sure how many I have eventually got down to trying my hand at.

There are some people who try to keep themselves occupied when disturbed by anything, but me on the contrary, I tend to ponder , think, fret and fume and waste a lot of time introspecting. Is all this time wasted, accounted for with a eye opening revelation, or a great decision which I made? In most of my past experiences, I do not think so.

Decisions which I take happen to be either driven by my less understanding of the situation, a wrong image which was given to me or maybe a wrong perception on my end. This might make it sound like I have never made any good decision in my life which I value. That is not true, what I say here is mostly on the professional front. All the decisions which I have made in my personal life which have not ever been attributed to anyone else but my liking, have always been to my complete liking.

Why all this rambling on the blog? I am again at that point, where I need to make a decision, again about my professional life, and all this I hope shall help me make that decision.

PS: I was just looking at my posts in this month, the titles ( to the right) and all I see is confusion, rants and what not :(

Just a short rant

I had vented out my frustration earlier too and following all the thoughts that came in from all of you, I have been thinking. 

I understand that throwing something which you have away is very simple and maybe seen as rash. But, when I look at it, I think whether is it the job responsibilities or the associated matters which are driving me nuts. And, the answer that comes to me is there is one side of my job which I do not like at all, and the other part which is comparitively fine. But, I would not say that I am learning anything which I did not know earlier, so then what am I getting from this job? The associated matters are anyhow very bad, and not at all to my liking, so all in all there is a quarter of my job, which I like. And is that sufficient to see it as worth it?

I myself am getting sick and tired of my sob story...

A festival misfit

I am not a great fan of festivals.

Hindu festivals mostly are drawn from mythology, and I treat that as a story ( an Indian fairy tale, if you may) and that I do not see how is supposed to be worshiped very devoutly. Its a time to gather, a common holiday for family to meet up in the craziness of the world, but anything more that, I am not too sure. This might also be the case as my parents have never lived in India, have never been a festival celebrating family also.

This is to the extend that, for us, Diwali was just another day, as both my brother and myself hated the sound/light of crackers and the smell of crackers too. We mostly just stood on the balcony looking at the sky for the far away rockets going up and were happy at the distant view. 

Pooja was looked forward to, as all books would be taken away from us on Ashtami night and there is just no work to do except play and enjoy. On Vijayadashmi, we would write ' Hari Shree Ganapataye Namah : ' and sit down to study for a few hours as a norm after taking the books back duly blessed.

Vishu is new year in Kerala, and on this day you just wear new clothes, and elders give money to all young for a good start to the year. Early morning on this day,  the first thing you are to see is the 'Vishu Kanni' which is all the good things in life, fruits, gold, money, rice, flowers, a mirror ....essentially a grand set up to ensure you see all the good stuff on the first moment of the new year.This again has really no religious significance, its just a celebration, a gathering and thats about it.

Then comes Onam, where we have never done anything, but eat a good meal. This was looked forward to, as living outside India banana leaves are a not a common appearance on the dining table, and eating on it is a luxury. The number of dishes prepared are phenomenal and the taste is just different on a banana leaf. But, again no religious significance whatsoever. This I am sure is not because we were outside Kerala, it is just the way things are in our family. And, I guess that's why I find it very difficult to associate a pooja of a particular deity with any festival as per mythology. I have just never ever known any of the stories, whatever I know is through my own curiosity. In fact, my parents never thought is important to pass on these pooja specifications and I guess they were also not interested in following it.

Gifts and rant

I have been thinking of why is it so difficult for some people to get gifts properly.  What I mean to say is, why don't they for once think about who they are getting it for, and get what that person would like. I agree that if you are not very close, generic items are a better bet, but even then, why not non tacky, non rainbow coloured stuff! And why would you buy these tacky stuff for anyone?

I like to put an effort into getting someone a gift. I am not the kind of person who can not just hand over things which are lying around in the house, unless its a great emergency! Even if I have to get something standard, I rather get that thing for the person than hand over something lying around uselessly. I know many might say, whats useless for you, might be great for someone else, but unless I am cent percent sure of that, I don't think I will feel fine handing over something I already have.

On a completely different note, I am contemplating leaving the corporate world and doing something on my own. I am scared whether I will be able to do it, and moreover the starting something by yourself responsibility is also kinda freaking me out. Frankly speaking, I think its just this job which is driving me nuts, but I am super pained by the way my day pans out. 

Have a look below and tell me if its worth it.

Get ready for work, pack lunch

9:45 - Leave the house

10: 40 - Pick cab mates from Indira Nagar

11:15 - Reach Office

........... skip the work crap and move to end of day

7:00 - Check when cab mates will be done with work to leave. We are supposed to leave at 7:30 and wait for 30 mins in case someone is delayed ( In most probable cases the answer would be 7:30 / 7:40)

7:30 - Check again with cab mates if they are done. ( Answer to which would be 5/ 10 mins more )

7:45 - Check yet again with cab mates and by now tired and irritated. ( Another 5/ 10 mins) 

8:00 - Finally leave!

8:25 - Cab mates get dropped off at Indira Nagar

9:15 - I finally step off the stupid cab.

Now someone please explain to me why is it that I am picked up first but dropped last. Also, why are some people always late! 3/5 days every week I reach home at 9:15 - 9:30 and what a time is that to get home and make dinner! I know my husband is super understanding, but I know his patience will run out one day, and I do not want that happening. 

I don't think its worth it, do you?